An Email to a Boy

So I met a boy. And he didn't call. And this is the email that I didn't send him about him not calling me:

So, since we don't live in the same town and I won't run into you sometime in six months with your new girlfriend at the new bar that opened downtown that everyone goes to the first week it is open and then share an incredibly awkward moment where you introduce us to each other and I give you the look that says, "Her? Really? Her?" as she twists her long blond hair around her finger and gazes into your eyes (God, isn't she awful? I think I hate her already), nor will I hear through the random grapevine that develops between people that kind of know each other from seeing each other once a year at some beer bash or chili cookoff that you decided to pull up stakes and move to Alaska to herd sheep, I thought I'd cut through the bullsh!t and ask why I hadn't heard from you. And I even thought of some answers:

a) I accidently called you someone else's name during our last phone conversation;

b) You met Ms. Right (or Ms. Right Now) at the Knot function on Thursday;

c) You dropped your cell phone in a toilet and lost all the numbers;

d) I appeared to be more into you than you were into me and the last time you got into that situation, someone ended up at the courthouse getting a restraining order, that someone being you;

e) You got sick from sushi from Wild Oats and are currently hospitalized;

f) You figured that I might be dating the guy with whom I went to the hockey game and, really, is it worth the headache of dealing with this chick who's in another state when she might be seeing someone anyway? (When, in reality, the guy is incredibly married and has three little boys and is currently reversing his vasectomy so his wife can finally have that girl she's always wanted.);

g) "Oh my God, her emails are just TOO LONG";

h) You really just aren't that into me, just like that book says; or

i) You honestly are stuck in a ditch, like that guy who got stuck for 8 days and couldn't reach his cell.

And I'm writing this to be funny, but also because I really do want to know and it sucks that this opportunity is passing by and I don't want to sit back and let it. Because the chance to randomly meet someone who could end up being a really cool person and a great friend? Isn't something that happens very often. And I've let some of those chances pass by. I really didn't want that to happen here.

So I'll quit pestering you. But I still think you're awesome. And, even if I haven't heard from you in two weeks, two months, two years (well, maybe not two years), I still wanna hang out with you. Even if it is only on the phone.

I thought about just sending him the link to this, but I think I'll just let sleeping dogs lie.