Conspiracy

Dear Cleaning Crew at my Office Building:

I very much appreciate the job you do. I'm happy that you take out the garbage, although you don't give me new garbage bags. I note that you haven't stolen any Diet Coke cans for recycling, which makes you better than the last cleaning crew. And thank you for not rifling through my desk, although that thank you might be premature. I'll wait until I get my next Visa bill.

What I like best is that you put the seats of the toilets up. Because this gives the illusion that you may have, oh, I don't know, actually cleaned the toilets. It serves the same function as the paper band on a toilet in a hotel. The seat is up in the women's bathroom and you think, "oh, the cleaning people were in here. And they cleaned the toilets!"

But you and I know differently, don't we. I see the ring at the water line. I know what you are doing, late at night, turning on the fan in there and doing a one-hitter. Don't worry, your secret is safe with me. You just go right ahead leaving the seat up.