Freaks

I just got this response to one of those ridiculous chain email question/answer deals. The response is from my friend's husband. No wonder I embrace spinsterhood.


Copy, answer and send on...
READY?????? And go.......

1. Do you open presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas
Day? December 4th I got Jocelyn drunk enough to make her think it was Christmass

2. What is your main dish for Christmas dinner?
Jack with side of coke

3. Real tree or fake? What does it matter? Oscar (their dog) pees on both!

4. What is your favorite Christmas cookie? Jack and coke

5. What is your favorite Christmas beverage?
Beer chaser

6. What is your favorite Christmas movie? A night in paris (I think it was Christmas time?)

7. What is your favorite Christmas song?

8. Ever been kissed under the mistletoe? I’d call it rape.

9. Do you have Christmas lawn decor? Santa but Jocelyn got drunk and tried to have “it” with it.

10. Lights on your house? Front light.

11. Colored lights or white? I prefer African American lights

12. How many Christmas trees do you have? Yes wife makes me have it so I can have it with her.

13. Do you buy Christmas presents for your pets? Dog sex toys.

14. Do you have your own stocking? Yes and fuck you

15. What is your favorite family tradition? Dad gets drunk and mom yells I vomit on the couch

16. Do you have a favorite ornament/decoration? Presents to me

17. What is your favorite Christmas smell? Turkey farts

18. What is your favorite Christmas memory? The year dad got so drunk he passed out early

19. Do you have a Christmas pickle? Right here baby!

20. Is there Christmas decor in your bathroom? Stool samples

21. Do you send Christmas cards? Are you GAY?!

22. Do you have a poinsettia? Don’t try to trap me with words I can’t read

23. Do you have a Santa hat? No a jimmy hat.

24. What do you want for Christmas? Money and no more chain mails!

25. Do you believe in Santa? Well who the fuck else is going to buy me stuff.