Just Like that Aerosmith Song
I once read a poem by Merritt Malloy (more on that book another time) in which she writes about what happens when she cries. About how she doesn't just cry about what she's sad about at that very moment, but that she also cries about things that have happened or might happen or could be happening right now. I completely empathize with this. When I cry, I dredge up all kinds of detritus, either to try to work it out of my system or to prolong the cathartic feeling of a really good crying jag. So, the things I cry about, in no particular order...
Losing that really cute Sportsac purse with all my Hello Kitty! stuff in it at the zoo in 4th grade in Atlanta. Just walking away and leaving it on a bench and going back later and finding it gone.
The fact that my washer is leaking out of the bottom and I'm going to have to pay money I don't have to get a new one.
The time I was really mean to my mom when we were on a class trip and I wanted to hang out with the older, cool kids and she walked around with my friends who were my age and I completely blew them off. I don't talk to the friends anymore but I still feel bad about doing that to my mother.
That my father will never be able to walk me down the aisle at my wedding.
That I might never have a wedding.
That my neighbor can probably hear me crying really loud and will know how pathetic I am.
That I really don't have anything to look forward to.
That my mother is disappointed that I haven't had a child and that I might never have one. Of course, it is telling that I'm not crying because I haven't had a child...just that I'm disappointing my mother by not having one.
That nobody loves me.
That nobody ever will.
That my cat won't even let me squeeze her really tight when I'm crying and that means she doesn't even love me.
When I was really mean to Stephanie Hattersol in elementary school and I hope she isn't emotionally scarred by anything I ever did and I hope she's happy now.
The Christmas tree that no one would buy that probably ended up in the wood chipper but that the tree guy wanted $50 bucks for because he knew I was upset and he thought he had my dad by the short hairs.
Losing that really cute Sportsac purse with all my Hello Kitty! stuff in it at the zoo in 4th grade in Atlanta. Just walking away and leaving it on a bench and going back later and finding it gone.
The fact that my washer is leaking out of the bottom and I'm going to have to pay money I don't have to get a new one.
The time I was really mean to my mom when we were on a class trip and I wanted to hang out with the older, cool kids and she walked around with my friends who were my age and I completely blew them off. I don't talk to the friends anymore but I still feel bad about doing that to my mother.
That my father will never be able to walk me down the aisle at my wedding.
That I might never have a wedding.
That my neighbor can probably hear me crying really loud and will know how pathetic I am.
That I really don't have anything to look forward to.
That my mother is disappointed that I haven't had a child and that I might never have one. Of course, it is telling that I'm not crying because I haven't had a child...just that I'm disappointing my mother by not having one.
That nobody loves me.
That nobody ever will.
That my cat won't even let me squeeze her really tight when I'm crying and that means she doesn't even love me.
When I was really mean to Stephanie Hattersol in elementary school and I hope she isn't emotionally scarred by anything I ever did and I hope she's happy now.
The Christmas tree that no one would buy that probably ended up in the wood chipper but that the tree guy wanted $50 bucks for because he knew I was upset and he thought he had my dad by the short hairs.
posted by Miss Head at
5:43 AM
1 Comments:
I love you.
By
Anonymous, at 10:52 AM
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