Blowin' in the Wind
A boy just asked a friend of mine about me. Well, he's a guy, technically. I mean, who says, "I met a man the other night?" I don't refer to them as "men." They're guys, or dudes, or idiots. But I digress.
So he asked about me. I can understand that, the feeling out about someone else's potential landmines, crazy ex's and other issues. So, in the interest of full(ly partial) disclosure, here's a self-compiled list of what I might consider to be red flags for someone entering into a relationship with me:
1) I wear heels. If you have a complex about being short, don't hang out with me.
2) I may know more about John Wayne movies than you do. Don't let this make you feel like less of a man. I also probably know more about WWII movies in general, as well as anything about the Civil War. And I'm not afraid to argue about it.
3) I won't talk to you in a movie theatre, not even during the previews. Comments are allowed only between previews.
4) I won't rub your feet.
5) I will probably only go to adventurous restaurants for the first few months of our relationship. Then I will tell you that I really don't like fish/curry/MSG/meat/salt/or dairy.
6) I don't cook meat. In my family, the man grills. Even in snow.
7) I may watch more football than you. I will probably also watch more college basketball. But I refuse to watch Ultimate Fighting unless I'm drunk.
8) No brown liquor allowed in the house.
9) I exert control over the remote.
10) I have guy friends. Get over it.
11) My guy friends are assholes and will probably be mean to you. Get over it.
12) If you golf, I will insist on going. If you don't, I will go with my guy friends. You should get over that, too.
13) I'm still friends with ex's. However, they are ex's. So don't panic.
14) I go to bed early and wake up early.
15) I hate to be late. To anything.
16) I will make you return phone calls you don't want to return.
17) I have a cat. She will sit on you and lick your nose in the morning. I don't mind if you pick her up and toss her on the floor but if you kick her, we're done.
18) I hate yard work. And chores. A house will be clean but never spotless. Unless you want to hire a cleaning lady. An idea I fully endorse.
19) If we don't agree on politics, we shouldn't discuss them at all.
20) If you wear a hat in a restaurant and it is later than 10 a.m., I'll never be seen in public with you again.
So he asked about me. I can understand that, the feeling out about someone else's potential landmines, crazy ex's and other issues. So, in the interest of full(ly partial) disclosure, here's a self-compiled list of what I might consider to be red flags for someone entering into a relationship with me:
1) I wear heels. If you have a complex about being short, don't hang out with me.
2) I may know more about John Wayne movies than you do. Don't let this make you feel like less of a man. I also probably know more about WWII movies in general, as well as anything about the Civil War. And I'm not afraid to argue about it.
3) I won't talk to you in a movie theatre, not even during the previews. Comments are allowed only between previews.
4) I won't rub your feet.
5) I will probably only go to adventurous restaurants for the first few months of our relationship. Then I will tell you that I really don't like fish/curry/MSG/meat/salt/or dairy.
6) I don't cook meat. In my family, the man grills. Even in snow.
7) I may watch more football than you. I will probably also watch more college basketball. But I refuse to watch Ultimate Fighting unless I'm drunk.
8) No brown liquor allowed in the house.
9) I exert control over the remote.
10) I have guy friends. Get over it.
11) My guy friends are assholes and will probably be mean to you. Get over it.
12) If you golf, I will insist on going. If you don't, I will go with my guy friends. You should get over that, too.
13) I'm still friends with ex's. However, they are ex's. So don't panic.
14) I go to bed early and wake up early.
15) I hate to be late. To anything.
16) I will make you return phone calls you don't want to return.
17) I have a cat. She will sit on you and lick your nose in the morning. I don't mind if you pick her up and toss her on the floor but if you kick her, we're done.
18) I hate yard work. And chores. A house will be clean but never spotless. Unless you want to hire a cleaning lady. An idea I fully endorse.
19) If we don't agree on politics, we shouldn't discuss them at all.
20) If you wear a hat in a restaurant and it is later than 10 a.m., I'll never be seen in public with you again.
posted by Miss Head at
5:04 AM
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