Conversations From the Weekend

Me: Who is that girl your boyfriend is talking to?
Allison: I have absolutely no idea.
She turns to look at her boyfriend, Andy, talking to a 20-something Asian woman, then turns back to me.
Allison: Somewhere, some bar is short-staffed.

* * *

Mel: I go to a lesbian dentist.
Me: Is she a dentist for lesbians or a dentist who is a lesbian?
Mel: Both.
Kim: Is she any good?
Mel: She has great teeth. Actually, most lesbians have good teeth. Miss Head, you have really good teeth.
Me: Did you just call me a lesbian?

* * *

Glenn: So I have tickets to see the Rat Pack at the Sands.
Kim: Oh, so do I! Monica and I are going.
Me: Really? At the Sands?
Glenn: I think I have to give away my tickets. I'll be out of town.
Kim: You should go! You should totally go if they still have tickets.
Me: Well, when are you leaving?
Kim: It starts at 7ish, maybe we'll meet for dinner first.
Me: Wait. Where is this?
Kim: At [local arena].
Me: Oh. I thought you meant Leelenau Sands.
Kim: Did you think we were flying in?
Me: Yeah. Kinda.

(This is likely only funny if you live in Michigan. And are drunk.)

* * *

Kim: So how much longer did you stay?
Me: Oh, maybe 10ish. Right around when I talked to you. I'd had way too much to drink by then. I knew it was time to go when I was watching the ticker and couldn't figure out what they were talking about when they wrote "Fee West."
Kim: What was it.
Me: Fewest.
Kim: Good call on the leaving.